Friday, August 10, 2012

Crazy on Clomid

So as many of you know I've been taking clomid to help with trying to conceive (TTC) Doctor thinks its helping but clearly I'm not pregnant yet so we shall wait and see! They also said that my hypo thyroid is more than likely the cause of well everything! I have so many internal issues that I didnt share with the world...shocking, I know, but the great news is the meds are doing what they should :)

This is my second cycle on the clomid, you take it for 5 days and its VERY time specific, way too complicated to type out but if you REALLY wanna know just ask ;) Last cycle they had me on 50mg. The lowest dose. I felt awful! Nauseated, horrid headaches, light sensitive and oy vey I could go on and on. I wast sure if Id do this again. I was short tempered, moody and cried way more than I wanted to. Try not to complain, because this is something I choose to do to myself but damn, it was no fun!

When I went to doctor this month and after viewing my temperature charts (used to help figure out when you'll ovulate) she decided I should up the dose. She did say I did ovulate but my cycle wasnt how she wanted it to be. My jaw just dropped. If I was that miserable on 50mg, how would I be on 100mg?!?  I was scared, warned Justin and everyone via Facebook that I could potentially be a royal B@!*h this week or even month! Not sure how long it stays in the system...I should look into that!

Anyways, today was last dose of the clomid (for this cycle) and all in all it went much better than expected! Today seems to be the most emotional day for me, but only one outburst at the US Cellular Tech guy. I was pissed though!!!

<<Insert long story here>>
I had just gotten my new phone, had it for three days and dropped it once and the whole screen shattered! When I took it in he told me to file an insurance claim (which costs $100) and they could get me a new phone. I lost it, burst into tears and just sobbed. He said well your luck is turning around because my phone plan covers FREE phone replacement. Instead of being grateful I went into a public, yes VERY public rant about my "luck". Started with showing him my hair and explaining that two weeks ago a lighter pretty much exploded in my hand and caught my freaking head on fire, then I told him how "lucky" I was to get an oil change and need two new tires and spend an extra $150 on that, how "lucky" I am to have multiple miscarriages (yes I went there!) and of course it wouldnt be a complete nuisance until I played the cancer card. I am pathetic.Period. These added hormones really got to me this day! Not sure why I lashed at him, it wasnt his fault at all! I did go back to return the loaner phone and I heard one of his coworkers mumble "Thats the Crazy one" I kinda just smiled, and pretended not to  hear. I couldnt possibly make an ass of myself twice in the same store! They clearly remembered me haha

Aside from my temper tantrum, This cycle Ive felt the calmest Ive felt in MONTHS. Its been a hell of a few years but I can finally breathe and relax. I know my life plan may not be the same as fates but I am taking it day by day and week by week. Trying to not look into the future too hard but live in the moment. Life is such a crazy ride but that ride could be over at any given moment.

I hope by the end of the TTC Train I still have friends to turn to when I'm a raging pregnant lady ;) No seriously though, I fear that my craziness will push you all away and I'm trying my very hardest to not lash out on you...I'll save it for innocent strangers :)


  1. I couldn't help but laugh at that(the outburst part). Don't chalk the emotions up to clomid, TTC is a very long and vigerous journey and emotions add up after a while and need to come out. So don't think of it as the clomid making you a hormonal bitch, think of it as a release to everything you've been keeping inside for the journey.