Today was the day I was supposed to bring a baby home...or be pretty close to having a baby, obviously a due date is a educated guess but nonetheless I had this day circled on my calendar from the moment I had my first doctor appointment when everything was going great.
I was so excited, elated and shared the news with coworkers the next day. I had just started at the daycare and didnt really know any of them all that well so I knew there was no way my family would find out but I was still able to share the great news. I cant even begin to explain all the love, joy, hope and emotions I felt. Nothing but bliss.
Those days would come to an end not too long after, little did I know that despite following all the doctors orders, eating healthy and doing everything by the book to ensure this baby had the best chance it could to make it into the world, I miscarried at 13 weeks...I already felt the flutters, I had an ultrasound, and names picked out and a plan to tell the family.
One night after work I had some crazy cramping, followed by heavy bleeding and I knew exactly what was happening. I called the OB and she told me to come in to hospital to get checked out....I hesitated but knew since I was further a long If I didnt get checked out I could end up with infections or worse. I walked in they got me in a room and did the labs and confirmed that I was no longer pregnant...it wasn't real to me until I had the ultrasound which was almost unbearable but they had to do it per protocol.
I will never ever forget that day. It was Hell, and 9 months later I still have days where I sit and cry and ask why me?! What did I do to deserve all of this ? Its an ongoing struggle that I keep enduring but with counseling, a new doctor and taking steps to move froward in trying for another healthy baby. There is no way I would have made it this far without my fabulous friends who sent me encouraging messages, cards, meals anything and everything you all did was more than I ever expected!
I didn't announce I was officially pregnant to many people, and as I planned to announce it to the world, things came crashing down. I'm so thankful for each and every person who has taken this journey with me and cant wait to be able to announce a pregnancy that sticks! Trust me...when the time comes I will yell it from the rooftops :)