Sunday, May 6, 2012

Can't Have a Rainbow Without Some Rain...

Not only does this describe the weather lately but feels almost like a metaphor for my life lately in more than one way.

They say you gotta put up with the bullshit to see the good in life, couldn't agree more! When I was diagnosed with cancer, I thought I was going to die, honestly and truly I was thinking of what would happen to Jaelynn, my kids at work, my car. my bills...THE WEDDING!...I was preparing for the worst. On top of that my best friend was in the hospital dealing with her own issues and I was trying to cope with how my life would be without her in it, or how she would feel if I did die while she was was a mess and so was I.  I started to view life in a whole new light living each day as if were my last.

Rainbows to me symbolize the beauty in life as a whole. The pretty picture after the ugliness and more recently in my life I'm ready for my "Rainbow Baby" Rainbow baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow doesn't negate the craziness of the storm. When a rainbow appears it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that we aren't dealing with the aftermath of the storm but that something beautiful and full of light will someday appear for us in the midst of the darkness and clouds. The darkness may hover for a while but in the end it will be a perfect balance of energy, hope and light. In other words, a happy healthy baby after losses. I know many go on like this for years and years. I have one friend who's been trying for 7 years, had 5 miscarriages but still keeps on trying for that rainbow...this inspires me! If they have the courage and strength to carry on after so much pain and sorrow I surely can!

 Morale of the story without the darkness you could not see the light...or rainbow!

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