Wednesday, May 2, 2012

So now I need to vent..

I was all proud of myself for [trying] to be a more positive person but this just angers me beyond belief...

I should start by stating that my family and I have never ever been that close, I have a large extended family and really only talk to 3-4 people a year outside of family functions, so before you judge just keep that in the back of your mind

I'm originally from Oklahoma and my whole biological family is all still down there and Im not sure if its because we live hundreds of miles away or we just have nothing in common as I grew up but I dont really consider them family. Sure theyre blood relatives but were they ever here for me? Did they watch me learn to ride a bike? Attend any choir concerts? Come to my graduation? MET MY DAUGHTER?! Came to my to all of the above! So yes Im bitter, very bitter.

Not only have they never ever been up here to see me grow or fall in love (we have gone down there every few years and they did meet Justin 7 years...) but they never once called me to see how Im doing during my pregnancy that was less than perfect, when I was diagnosed with cancer, when I survived cancer or anything at all! I try to call at least once a month and rarely get through to a person so eventually I gave up.Communication works both ways....

So this one relative has lived the most unhealthy life ever. This person is over 400 lbs, was a heavy smoker for many years, a drinker, drug user in past, and just all around never seemed to care about her physical well being. Theyve been battling all sorts of health issues for the last 10 years or so, pretty much bed ridden and just getting worse and worse because theydont do as the doctor said to do several years ago! I just dont get tonight this person had a stroke, not the first time, and I guess their memory is shot.

For the first time in 3 years my family called me to tell me this. Theyre all upset crying, praying and asking for me to do the same. I feel nothing, no sorrow, no pain. nothing at all. Am I a bitch for this...? Maybe but its hard to show compassion towards ANY of them when I got nothing when I needed it the most. Thankfully i have amazing friends who turned into family to help me when I needed it so grateful for all them them (you all!)

Phew I feel better and probably pissed off the rest of the family but I cant change how I feel and as many of you know Im brutally honest.

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