Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Whatever Will Be, Will Be!

What I thought was a rough morning turned into a down right shitty day.

I went to doctor for results of my pregnancy test (blood) from last week and got the news: "You were pregnant, but the egg did not implant like it should have, I'm so terribly sorry" before she could even get the whole sentence out I lost it, I cried like I never cried before. This isnt the first time this had happened but it hurt worse than ever. I had another miscarriage just a few days before wedding, September 12th, this time I was nearly 12 weeks-to the "Safe" point, but I'm pretty sure there is no safe point when it comes to this sorta thing. I know plenty of people who have lost their baby after 12 weeks or had still born children, just goes to show you that it truly is a blessing, a miracle and should not be taken for granted.

Regardless of what anyone says, a miscarriage is a miscarriage. You do not have to justify your grief or compare it to anyone else’s grief for it to be valid. A "chemical pregnancy" was still a pregnancy, and for many , it’s still a loss of a baby and grief that will always they will carry for their entire lives.

I don't think women have always known the other women in their life who've had miscarriages. In fact, when I told a friend at the beginning of the last pregnancy that I was pregnant she replied "Well, I guess I'm old fashioned; I didn't tell people until week 13." And I responded "Why? If I had a miscarriage, I'd tell you to!"

Am I supposed to be ashamed if I have a miscarriage? It it because we're discussing something that is vaguely associated with my nether regions that I'm not supposed to tell a soul that I'm pregnant until I'm showing?

I do understand the awkwardness of having to explain to someone after the fact that you are no longer pregnant. I was thinking of inventing a button that says "I'm not pregnant anymore, but I'm OK!" But if I had kept my pie hole shut, I'd never been able to talk to my friends this weekend who needed a shoulder, some information, and a "sister's" about what they were going through.

So there. I'm not going to shut up. Not that I ever could.

We will not give up, we will keep trying just let it happen however its supposed to, whatever will be, will be!

Thank you to all those who called, text, emailed to  let me know you care. I really do appreciate it and am glad to know my friends will always be there, more than I can say for my family but support in any form is great and I love you all!

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