Monday, April 23, 2012

Rough Morning

I have been worrying about my appointment so didnt get the best night of sleep...only to wake up twenty minutes late, (thankfully I showered last night!) wet clothes in the dryer to wear today, lost my wallet (temporarily), gas light came on and still somehow made it to work 5 minutes early. I dont even recall my speed or route that I took to work....its been one of those days, and its not even 8am!

Luckily the kids are still sleeping so I have a few more moments of peace and quiet before the days chaos begins, I LOVE my job but taking care of 3 kids under 4 is exhausting! The baby I nanny for is now cralwing/climbing everywhere, the two year old is feverish and goes through poopy diapers like you wouldnt believe and then Jaelynn...the cute yet spunky 3 year old whom I love and adore but she makes life at work more difficult. They fight, steal toys and tattle...If I can make it through today I will be ecstatic!

Just need to make it through the next 8 hours and hoping for good news, and if its not good news at least answers.

Alot of you probably think Im a wack-a-doodle and I feel like one lately, but when you go through as much as Ive been through and the last 2.5 years have been nothing but bad news with health, money, stress, deaths I cant help it! I get some friends who genuinely try to help, but havent been through anything close to what Ive been through and I know they mean well but in the end it frustrates me more. Then you have those friends who will never be parents because they dont want to be and they try to relate, sorry to be a bitch but you dont get it and you never will! I just wish it were all easier...its more to me than just a sperm meeting an egg, its more to me than spending little or a lot of money on testing supplies, its more to me than buying a cute baby outfit or picking out bedding. Growing up alot of people had dreams to be a doctor, teacher or lawyer. The ONLY thing I ever wanted to be was a mommy to lots of babies. I want to be that soccer mom with the mini van and pizza rolls, I want to be the house where all the kids want to hang out after school, I wanna be the PTO nazi, the Girl Scout leader, the sappy mom who cries on the first day of school year after year...I know I can still do all these things with one child, but one child is not where I want to stop. We are put on this Earth to procreate. I strongly feel this and unless youve tried, planned for and had a child, pregnancy loss or struggled to get pregnant you will not understand.


  1. Hang in there girl! I KNOW what you are going through. It will happen, just try not to stress too much. You feel like no one understands, I know I felt the same way, but there are some people out there that get it. I have a friend who has had 7 miscarriages and no successful pregnancies, but she is happy (overall) and knows there was a reason she hasn't had a successful pregnancy. She gets it. She has been a huge support in my life. I get it, too. <3

  2. I just want to hear you say to us.... The babies have been doubled!
    I'm never going to get it. But I will do my best to be supportive and keep my mouth shut. call me later!