Sunday, April 22, 2012

Losing It

After a phone call from the doctor on Friday, Ive been freaking out, mostly internally but freaking out none the less!  I see them tomorrow for thorough exam and I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst...therefore you never get disappointed!

I wish this was easier said than done. I feel as though no matter what the doctor has to say good or bad I wont be able to handle and process it and I just cant help but worry, and cry.

I'm sick of living vicariously through all my friends who are pregnant, Ive accepted that their baby is not a punishment to me but why does it seem that everyone is pregnant when you arent?! I know everyone says "the less you stress the more likely it will happen" well guess what, I try and try and try and still fail. Why me? Why did "God" choose this path for me, who decides who gets the glamorous lives and who gets shit on over and over.

I realize this will offend people but this is how I feel and I cant change it. Life treats everyone so differently and Im simply running out of faith and hope...


  1. yes this does annoy me darling. No sky god is out to get you. Its a random chance that egg and sperm connect. Random chance that the damn tiny forming clot of skin cells stick you your vagina. It these logical things that help make a baby... maybe you need better baby making tools. Like a non dollar store ovulation kit. To the walgreens! I'm saying this to make you smile. Did it work?